Violence works?

WARNING: Kids, don't try this at home.

I got home late Wednesday night to find my PC showing a blue screen of death instead of downloading porn the latest TV episodes. I pressed the reset button, and everything was fine... until I got another blue screen of death a few minutes later. I rebooted several more times, and got the lovely blue screen within a few minutes each time. I was seeing red, and when the PC died yet again, I lost my temper and gave it a hard kick.

I immediately felt remorse. I could have damaged my hard drives with that! What's wrong with me? I decided to give it one last try before I give up and cry myself to sleep. And guess what? It worked, and I haven't encountered another blue screen ever since. Huh. How did that happen? Maybe a tiny insect got fried on my motherboard, and my kick knocked it loose? I don't know. All I know is that violence works. Ha!

Once again, kids, don't try this at home.

* * *

My pattern of abusive behavior towards computers started back when I was in high school. One day, my old CRT monitor began to show an annoying purple tint. After fruitless minutes of adjusting hue and color temperature and whatnot, I got very frustrated. And what better way to deal with frustration than some violence? I whacked the left side of the monitor. The purple tint magically disappeared.

It came back the next day. I whacked the monitor again, and it worked. Eventually, the ghost of Barney would come back more and more often and would require harder and harder whacks to exorcise. I slapped and whacked the poor monitor constantly for months until it finally died.

* * *

I hadn't posted a new blog entry in the last 10 days. I think chickenmafia.com had never gone this long without updates before. Tsk tsk.

It's not as if I had nothing to write about. I went to a few blogger events recently, and I had the responsibility to announce that artsy fashion brand Volcom has a cool T-shirt design contest and that the California Pizza Kitchen has... pizzas. But I didn't. I was just lazy I guess.

I wonder if violence would work on me as well as it did on my PC. If someone threatens to kick me in the nuts every time I go two days without blogging, what would I do?

Hmm. I'd probably start wearing a protective cup.