I can't remember the last time I posted a real blog entry, but I promise to start blogging again soon. Not today though.

While you're breathlessly waiting for my brilliant upcoming blog entry, here are a few quick plugs.

1.

It has been two weeks since Typhoon Ondoy, but people in badly affected areas still need our help. If you're a fan of Krispy Kreme like I am, there's an easy way to help raise some funds. The proceeds from every Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut you buy this Sunday (October 11, 2009) will go to relief operations, so go stuff your face with doughnuts. You may kill yourself in the process, but you'd be helping other people survive, and that's a good thing.

2.

Two weeks ago, I attended a National Thank You Day Philippines event sponsored by Toblerone. My brain wasn't working that night, and I didn't quite understand what the Thank You Day thing is all about, so I guess you'll have to go check out their website and find out for yourself.

I went through the site a few times, but I still don't get it. I'm dumb. One thing that I found amusing though is this e-card on the website.

Does it say "Toberone"? Heh. I don't think the sponsor would want to thank the artist for misspelling their brand name.

3.

Taal Vista Hotel, Pearl Farm Beach Resort, 7 Stones Boracay Suites and Club Punta Fuego are offering Spanish buffets for the month of October. I got to sample some of their fancy dishes at the Flavors of Spain '09 launch event last September 24. Before that, the only type of Spanish food I knew was paella. Now, I also know... um... um... well, it has been two weeks since the event, so I don't remember any of the names. But they were all yummy, I swear.

Ahoy, mateys! T'day be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I be bloggarin' like a pirate. Arrr!

Yesterday, me and me buxom beauty boarded a Red Ribbon ship and raided a merry feast hosted by t'fearsome Cap'n NomNom.

Arrr!!!

The grub was delightful, but the best part of the feast was the strange cake--a curious mix of moist chiffon and white chocolate flakes topped with luscious cherries. Arrr! They said it be their new White Forest cake.

Arrr!!!

I say it be t'albino cousin o' t'Black Forest cake. O' course, we pillaged t'cakes like good hungry pirates. It be yummy. Wait, do pirates say "yummy"? Arrr! Talkin' like a pirate be harrrd.

Anyway, all ye pirates can purchase yer own White Forest cakes on various ships o' t'Red Ribbon fleet docked around t'Philippine Islands. A big one costs 560 silver coins; a small one costs 335.

If ye be lazy land lubber, ye can dial 8-7777 on yer fancy-pants talkin' machine and have yer grub delivered t'yer door.

I'm shovin' now, mateys. Arrr!

I ordered a chirashi don at Teriyaki Boy the other night. It's rice topped with various types of sashimi--basically mixed sushi in a bowl. Yummy.

The waitress didn't seem to approve of my choice though. She said, "Puro hilaw po yun. Okey lang?" ("It's all raw. Is that okay?")

I'm not sure why, but every time I see the Teriyaki Boy mascot, I imagine him cussing and yelling at me.

I was confused. Why wouldn't I be okay with sashimi being raw? Wouldn't that be like complaining about soup being wet? Wouldn't customers be more likely to throw a fit if their sashimi came cooked to a crisp? Oh wait, maybe by all raw she meant that the rice would be raw too. Now that wouldn't be okay at all. Hmm. Help?

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded.

As she sauntered away, I turned to Lizz and muttered, "That was the dumbest question I've ever heard in a Japanese restaurant," possibly before she was out of earshot.

I hope she didn't spit in my food.

The following was an entry to a contest. I didn't win. But I'm leaving the entry unedited. Okay, mostly unedited. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't take out the horrible "You're the 1, Goldilocks" line (and title) required by contest rules.

Anyway, Lizz is trying to sell the laptop. Contact her if you're interested.

 

Back when I was a teenage boy, there were few things I considered more embarrassing than to be seen with my mother in public. It's not that I didn't love my mom, but I, like many boys at that age, desperately wanted to prove that I can be strong and independent.

My mom of course would have none of that. She constantly tried (still does, actually) to baby me despite my vehement protests. So when I went on my first camping trip as a 13-year-old rookie boy scout, I was delighted at getting to spend a few days far away from my mom. Except I didn't really get to. On the morning of day 3, the scoutmaster came over to my tent and said, "your mother is here." I groaned.

Something good came out of my mom's surprise visit though. She brought four big boxes of mamon (Filipino sponge cake) from Goldilocks Bakeshop, more than enough to feed everyone at camp. I was very popular for about fifteen minutes that day.

As the years passed, I continued to associate Goldilocks with giving. No, I'm not a particularly giving person. It's just that I often forget birthdays and other special occasions, and Goldilocks is always there to save my butt. Drop by the bakeshop and buy a nice cake before heading off to the party--how convenient! I think I've bought almost a dozen cakes as last-minute gifts in the past year alone.

Still, my favorite Goldilocks memory is that of the day my mom visited me at camp. I remember having kids I barely knew come up to me and thank me for giving them free mamon. Sure, most of them only did so after the scoutmaster told them to, but it felt good nonetheless. Making other people happy can make me happy? Who knew?

I wanted to try and recreate the experience, so I bought a box of fluffy mamon last Sunday afternoon and handed them out to random strangers in the park.

  *12 pieces for 203 pesos--quite reasonable

Well, at least that was the plan. I chickened out at the last minute (hey, strangers are scary) and ended up giving the mamon to the good people of UU Philippines. Of course, I had the whole thing on video.

Ha! Isn't giving fun? I'm not sure how Lizzy felt about getting the leftovers, but everyone else seemed happy. The mission was a success! Yay!

Yoghurt Treatment Shampoo and Beer Treatment Shampoo? Yay, tasty treats!

Seriously? Yogurt? Beer? Why would you possibly want your hair to smell like beer or spoiled milk after washing?

Greetings to all our Roman Catholic readers. We take a break from our blog hiatus (yes, a break from a break) to bring you this public service announcement:

Tomorrow is the first Friday of Lent, and you know that means.

That sign was in a restaurant. I don't understand why a restaurant would ask its customers to abstain from half of the items on its menu, but hey, I'm sure that makes God happy. Isn't that the most important thing?

And that ends our public service announcement. Now I'll go back to being the asshole that I normally am.

Oh hey, my Catholics friends, want to hear about what I'm going to eat tomorrow? No? I'll tell you anyway.

For breakfast, I'll have bacon and eggs. That's right, crispy and yummy bacon made from pigs that Jehovah considers unclean. You can't have any.

For lunch, I'll have a nice burger. Maybe with double patties. You can't have any.

For dinner, I'll have a big fat juicy steak, medium rare. And for dessert, I think I'll have another steak.

Okay, so steak for dessert may not be the best idea. But I can if I want to. You can't because you'd make your god angry. Sorry.

Well, be thankful that at least you're not Hindu. No burgers and steaks ever? Now that's really sad.

So yesterday was the start of the Chinese New Year? I barely noticed.

Despite being cursed with extra strong doses of the tiny-eyes-and-pasty-pale-skin genes, I'm ambivalent about my Chinese heritage. I find traditional Chinese culture too restrictive for my personality. Why couldn't I have been born a Jamaican or something? I'm a free spirit, man!

There's one thing I like about being Chinese though: the exposure to exotic food that many Westerners would find disgusting. Chicken feet. Shark's fin. Jellyfish. Century eggs. Frog legs.

Mmm, frog legs. They taste like chicken. Really.

Of course, the Japanese are masters of one-upmanship when it comes to strange food. Frog legs? That's nothing. They eat the whole freaking frog... raw!

Mmm, frog sashimi! I want to try it.

(Speaking of the Japanese... you have to see this. They managed to make Jack Bauer even more awesome--I didn't know that was possible. But I digress.)

Westerners generally don't have the "everything can be food" attitude that we Asians have, as evidenced by how often our simple snack items make wimpy white girls cry and vomit on Fear Factor.

Bleeding heart (or, more appropriately, bleeding brain) organizations like PETA aren't helping. They're always going "we shouldn't eat this" and "we shouldn't eat that." Stupid PETA. Oh, have you heard about their new "sea kittens" campaign? PETA wants to save poor innocent fishies from being eaten by evil humans. But there's a problem: fish aren't cute. PETA assholes think that people will only be nice to cute things, so they came up with the clever idea of calling fish "sea kittens" to make them sound cuter and thus less edible.

Well, that's about the most retarded thing I've ever heard.

Hey PETA, I have another idea. Let's protect poor innocent frogs from being eaten by evil Asians! We can call them... something. What can be a cute name for frogs? Oh, I know! How about "swamp puppies"? Ha! No one would want to eat cute little puppies, right?

Oh wait, we Asians do eat puppies. Sorry, PETA. You lose again.

It's the opposite of hot.

WARNING: NSFA (not safe for anyone)

I'll post a real blog entry later in the week, I swear. In the meantime, go join our two contests down there. Tell your friends too. Go go go!

I've never been a fan of shabu-shabu (Japanese-styled hot pot), mainly because it sounds like too much work and I'm hopelessly lazy. But I also like free food, so I attended last Tuesday's Shabu Shabu 101 session at Healthy Shabu Shabu, Shangri-la Plaza Mall.

The concept of shabu-shabu doesn't seem that complicated. Sit down in front of a small stove....

Order some foodstuff....

And dump them all in the boiling water....

Yay! Oh wait. Apparently, that's the wrong way to do it.

The owner of the restaurant patiently explained how to do it right, but unfortunately, the sound system they used for the event was too echo-y. All we could hear was something like, "blah blah blah-ah-ah... blah blah shabu-shabu-bu-bu...."

So instead of straining my ears to listen to the instructions, I went with a different strategy: I acted all confused and slightly retarded until the nice waitress came over and did it for me. Yay! (If playing the helpless retard card isn't your style, you can download the step-by-step instructions.)

Overall, my shabu-shabu experience was surprisingly pleasant. I particularly enjoyed the thinly sliced beef and lamb--they tasted amazing after getting dunked in boiling water for a few seconds. Also, I didn't knock over the hot pot or get any third-degree burns, and that's a win in my book.

Healthy Shabu Shabu generously gave us some gift certificates for future visits. Unfortunately, the ones I got are good only for the Alabang Town Center branch, which is far far away from where I live. So if you're an Alabanger and you have GCs for other branches, please contact me for a swap.

Healthy Shabu Shabu is a fun, safe, healthy and interactive way of dining that utilizes state-of-the-art dining facilities and equipment. Healthy Shabu Shabu has branches at Powerplant Mall, The Podium, SM Mall of Asia, Robinsons Galleria, SM North The Block, Alabang Town Center, Robinsons Midtown and Shangri La Plaza Mall. For inquiries please call 627-3721 or 672-3290.

According to a friend's friend, all you have to do is print and present this coupon and you get a regular-sized tea latte free! And he insist that this is not a joke.

Now, while I'm not one to shy away from freebies, I think this one sounds suspicious. It looks like some Catch Me If You Can wannabe's work. Of course, sillier things have turned out to be true, so I've decided to put up a dare to any enterprising spirits out there.

The terms are simple. All you have to do is print the coupon out and present it at any Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf branch.

Possible outcome #1: You actually get a free tea latte. Congratulations! You get a free tea latte. That's your prize.

Possible outcome #2: It's a hoax, and you end up making an ass of yourself. Congratulations! You get a free tea latte. I'll actually buy you one. How to claim your prize? Just email a photo of your attempt to philos@chickenmafia.com on or before July 31, 2008. Include the barista in the picture and also tell us the branch so we can confirm that it really did happen.

UPDATE! It's true!