Tom Cruise, Scientology's Messiah?

The Church of Scientology has a nice marketing strategy: recruit and pamper celebrities. The celebrities are of course powerful marketing tools because of the influence they have over their fans.

The Church scored big when it snagged Tom Cruise, one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. The guy had it all--a successful movie career, a beautiful wife, and a squeaky clean image. It appeared that he was destined to be Scientology's poster boy, the Chosen One, the Messiah.

But something went wrong along the way. He got divorced, and things started to go south. At first, the situation didn't seem too bad. His career continued to cruise, and he dated the also-beautiful Penelope Cruz for a while.

JC says:

I desperately wanted Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz to get married and reproduce. It would have been so much fun to hear news of their kid getting beaten up at school for having a name like Bruce Cruz Cruise or something.

Then things went downhill real fast, culminating in the embarrassing Oprah couch jumping incident (thanks to Carnifex for finding the video).

After this and other public outbursts, the world began to see Tom Cruise as what he really is... a creepy psycho.

And now, it seems that he is up to his neck in trouble with his upcoming movie, Valkyrie. He has been cast to play the role of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, an anti-Nazi conspirator who plotted to assassinate Hitler sometime near the end of World War II. As you can probably deduce, Stauffenberg has become a dear hero for a lot of Germans, especially those trying to disassociate themselves from Hitler.

And the problem is, Germany hates Scientology! Having a Scientologist play a German hero is insulting to them, so now they have something else to hate: Cruise's guts. First, the film was banned from filming in all German military installations. Then he was labeled as "the Goebbels of Scientology." Not quite the Messiah anymore huh, Tommy?

More bad news came some weeks ago. Filming had to be stopped because 11 people got injured on their way to the shoot. The victims fell from a truck when its side panel suddenly burst open while they were going around a corner.

I'm starting to think that Xenu might have a hand in this. You're in trouble now Cruise. Xenu is after your Thetan butt! Run, Cruise, run!