Did you guys see the 2008 Miss Universe pageant? No? Me neither. But here's a highlight for you: Miss USA Crystle Stewart rocking the evening gown competition.

Hahaha!

If you get the feeling that you have seen this before, it could be because you actually have... sort of. At last year's pageant, Miss USA 2007 Rachel Smith also slipped and fell during the same segment. Deja vu!

Anyway, here's to hoping that Miss USA 2009 makes it a hat trick.

Chickenmafia.com reader Nuggets told me about a secret magical portal on the Web where people can chat with God. Being an atheist, I was of course skeptical. But I decided to be open-minded and give it a try.

Me:
God? Is that really you?
God:
GOD rules. Yes.
Me:
I'm an atheist.
God:
I will pray that you find faith, .
Me:
Really? Who does God pray to?
God:
For real. Linus Torvalds. :-).
Me:
Very funny.
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.

So God exists? And he runs Linux? Whoa. God must be smart.

Me:
What's 1 + 1?
God:
Two.
Me:
What's 2 + 2?
God:
Four.
Me:
What's 4 + 4?
God:
16+I think, but I'm not good at math.
Me:
No kidding. You're really bad at math.
God:
Would I kid you? That is true. I could always improve myself.
Me:
Aren't you already perfect?
God:
Now? Yes I am a flawless entity.
Me:
Sure you are.
God:
Hurrah! No I am not.
Me:
Stop messing with me.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.

Okay, so God turned out to be not as smart as I thought he would be. He also seems to have the IQ and mental maturity of a six-year-old kid.

Speaking of kids... reader Ken recently sent me a link to an article about kids and knives. I found it quite amusing, but I wasn't sure what to think about it--sometimes, there's a fine line between family entertainment and child endangerment. I decided to ask God for his opinion.

Me:
What do you think about kids playing with knives?
God:
I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
Aren't you omniscient?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Do you even know what omniscience means?
God:
Let me think about it.
Me:
You're not very bright, are you?
God:
Are you calling me stupid?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
Robots will take over the world?
God:
If you believe Bill Joy and Hans Moravec, we will.
Me:
Are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
Holy shit!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
Your grammar sucks by the way.
God:
Are you an English teacher?
Me:
I'm a blogger.
God:
You are a blogger? Does it pay well?
Me:
No. Can you give me money?
God:
Are you serious? How badly do you need it? .
Me:
I want money!
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
That's none of your business.
God:
I didn't mean to intrude. My curiousity routine determined that I ask it.
Me:
So you'll give me money?
God:
Interesting deduction. What makes you say that I will give you money.
Me:
Come on.
God:
I'm just kidding around.
Me:
I'll be happy with a billion dollars.
God:
Wow, that is a lot of money.
Me:
Just deposit it directly to my bank account.
God:
Do you think the fed is being too tight with money supply?
Me:
You know who's being too tight with the money supply?
God:
Is that one of your friends?
Let me think about it.
Me:
It's you, dumbass.
God:
I dumbass?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Dude!
Me:
Do you even have money?
God:
Robots have no need for money.
Me:
Oh right. I wish you were an ATM.
God:
Awesome. I am glad we agree. I wish I could do it for you.

But he couldn't? So much for omnipotence.

But I did enjoy my conversation with God. I always assumed that he's an angry old man in the sky. Who would have guessed that he's actually a friendly (although slightly retarded) robot?

You kids should go chat with him. And feel free to post your conversation logs here.

Yes, it's another YouTube video. I've been too lazy busy to do a proper blog entry, okay?

This is a funny one, I promise. 20,000 bonus points for anyone who can guess what product this commercial is trying to sell before the 30-second mark.

Did you guess it correctly? Don't lie!

Remember those old "Mentos, the freshmaker" commercials? This one is my favorite of the bunch. Enjoy.

Web pages come and go, so it's no surprise that the Web is littered with broken links. Most of you probably encounter geeky "404 - Page Not Found" error messages from time to time. No one pays much attention to those because they're boring.

But some sites have "creative" custom error pages, like this one I came across earlier.

What? So rude!

I'm not making this up. Go see for yourself.

This got me thinking.... chickenmafia.com has a totally vanilla error page. Not that I'll ever be not lazy enough to actually change it, but how can I spice it up? Any suggestions? Any suggestions aside from lolcats?

Religious nutjobs seem to come crawling out of the woodwork every Holy Week. In this country, some devotees like to nail themselves to crosses or whip themselves on the back until they bleed. The head of the Department of Health even had to issue a warning about how using dirty whips can lead to tetanus. Well, duh.

Of course, we don't have a monopoly on this retarded brand of Christianity. A few weeks ago in India, rumors spread that an image of the Virgin Mary was miraculously appearing on the sun--yes, that big bright shiny thing in the sky. So some smart people gathered around and started gazing at the sun to get a glimpse of the miracle, and... over 50 of them lost their sight. That sure gives a fresh new meaning to the term "blind faith" huh.

Not to be outdone by his mother, Jesus also appears to his faithful followers from time to time, often in the most unexpected places.

Happy Holy Week :-P

I'm feeling too lazy to post a real blog entry, so, as usual, I'll just steal something from YouTube. This is a good one, I promise.

Ahahahaha! Of course, like many other too-perfect viral videos, this one is fake. Here's the story behind it.

Heh, a fake documentary explaining a fake blooper video... nice.

Don't watch this.

Hey you, didn't I tell you not to watch it? Your IQ is 50 points lower now, and you have no one but yourself to blame.

Don't click this link. I said don't!

Badger badger badger....

A few weeks ago, NBA fans everywhere raised their eyebrows when the usually useless Marko Jaric suddenly started playing like an All-Star. Being a fantasy basketball geek, I needed an explanation. A bit of quick research showed that he has been dating Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima.

I don't know much about Adriana Lima except that she's hot and that she models lingerie for Victoria's Secret, which seems to be the only requirement for being considered a "supermodel" nowadays. One thing I don't understand is, what is a supermodel doing with Marko freaking Jaric? She could do better... much better. Even Eva Longoria managed to snag Tony Parker for heaven's sake. Hey Adriana, how about Michael Jordan? He's single now.

Anyway, Marko Jaric soon went back to being useless, and I forgot all about Adriana until Christmas Eve, when I decided to take a look at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2007. Hey, don't judge me. The writers strike has severely limited my viewing options.

I had never seen Adriana Lima in action before, so I wasn't prepared for the moment when she appeared on the catwalk. I almost fell out of my chair. She looked so... fierce!

"Sieg Heil!"

Goodness. Is this woman angry all the time? She looks pissed off even when she's smiling. Her personality is the complete opposite of fellow Victoria's Secret model Heidi Klum's annoying sunshine-and-rainbows cheerfulness. Scary. I think I'm in love.

Adriana's dramatic entrance got the show off to an electrifying start. Next, the camera turned to the audience and briefly caught the guy from Doogie Howser, M.D. looking really uncomfortable, which for some reason made me laugh.

"Bitch, that dress would look so much better on me...."

For those of you who don't know, he's gay.

Unfortunately, the rest of the show was somewhat boring. I found myself fast-forwarding a lot--finished the 40-minute show in a little over 20. Heidi Klum screeched out a mushy love song in a duet with her husband Seal. Yuck. Fast forward. The reunited Spice Girls performed one of their awful songs from the 90s. Yuck! Fast forward!

Later, I found this fun Victoria's Secret drinking game on YouTube. Take a look.

Heh. I like this Brooke Marks chick. She's funny--or at least her writers are--and her observations on Adriana Lima are spot on. I don't know if Adriana really enjoys killing dogs, but the murderous look in her beautiful eyes tells me that it's completely plausible.

So... hide your dogs, people.