Hi everyone! It's time for some chickenmafia.com parenting tips!

DISCLAIMER: I don't have any children, I won't be held responsible for any injuries or deaths resulting from these tips, and I don't even know why I'm writing this crap.

OK, here we go.

Today's topic is vegetarianism, a dangerous threat that parents everywhere should be worried about. Pay attention, parents, because your sweet innocent child may actually be... a vegetarian!

Does your child look like this?

"Our little Timmy seems very well-behaved. He can't be a vegetarian, can he?"

Oh yes, he can. Vegetarians are often mistaken for normal people. Here are the warning signs that all parents should watch out for:

1. Unexplained weight loss. Vegetarians are thin because they don't eat meat, which contains all the nutritious fats and proteins. Vegetables only have lots of fiber, which comes right out every time you take a dump.

2. Green skin. Vegetables contains chlorophyll, which is a green pigment. Regular consumption of vegetables will turn your skin green.

3. Frequent use of the expression "Holy Cow." Like the Hindus, vegetarians believe that cows are sacred and should be respected and not eaten. "Holy Cow" is to vegetarians as "Our Father" is to Catholics.

"Oh no... little Timmy sure has been getting thinner lately...."

Remember to take all the warning signs into consideration before jumping to conclusions. For instance, if your child has unexplained weight loss but doesn't have green skin, chances are he isn't a vegetarian. He's probably just anorexic or addicted to cocaine, so don't worry.

"1 warning sign... 2 warning signs... 3 warning signs! Oh my God, little Timmy is a vegetarian!"

Don't panic. Rehabilitation facilities are available. Colonel Sanders, a world-famous expert in treating vegetarianism, runs a chain of rehab centers that has branches all over the world. For more information, call 1-800-SANDERS now.