Mr. Tuesday

So I went to JC's birthday dinner at Phi Restobar last Sunday. Phi had brought to the stage that night... Mr. Tuesday! And he was playing music, if that's what you can fucking call it.

It was staggering to watch. It wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. It was unbelievable! I knew it was chaos because you can hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth! And there were sounds so hideous, I don't want to describe them to you or you will bash your computer!

While I listened, a vision came into my head. I'm embarrassed to tell you this, but at that point in time I'd rather see... donkeys fucking. I told you I'm not happy.... And it's not like I sit in front of the computer and pay to see livestock go at it. When I heard Mr Tuesday, you know what I said? I said, "Bring on the burros!" And if you're watching donkeys fucking, make sure you have a musical soundtrack. 'Coz if you have donkeys fucking and it's quiet, that's perverted! There's a fine line. Don't cross it!

And then his set ended, so I was relieved! I thought the manager wouldn't let him back. But no, he had a second set. I thought I was in hell! It was so painful, I wanted to take a spoon and shove it up my ass! Why, you might ask? To distract myself from the pain! 'Coz if I'm gonna hurt that bad, I'm gonna do it to myself. And you know what you call that? Empowerment. I learned that from Oprah!