If I have a billion dollars....

1. I will open a private account with a stable bank not stupid enough to get affected by the credit crunch, then live off the interest.

2. I will buy real estate, small companies, and people (including 1 senator and 1 army general) off the interest.

3. I will find the laziest bum on the street and make him a millionaire by drowning him in millions of mixed coins in the 4 smallest denominations. He can only keep the money if he can tell me the exact figure.

4. I will occasionally take a cab with a disguise on and each time pay the driver 10,000 dollars, thereby creating a mythical passenger all drivers hope to take for a ride.

5. I will still take the subway regularly and at random points in time ask an old lady to give up her seat for me. If she doesn't, I'll ask the person sitting beside her to give up his seat and pay him 1,000 dollars. I will make sure my identity is known so that every time I get on the train, everybody stands up to give up their seats for me. I can increase the value till I meet this objective.

6. I will keep my job but hire someone at half the salary to do it for me. And I will still take all the credit. When I don't like a certain project, I will double what the client paid just to not do it.

7. I will regularly use the line from the movie Down to Earth, "Shut up before I crush you with my wallet!"

8. I will buy lottery tickets for all the possible realistic combinations (i.e.only up to 3 consecutive numbers out of a six-number combination) and see if I will win. When 4 consecutive numbers come out, I will know that God hates me and become a criminal mastermind.

9. Everyone who needs something from me (except my immediate family, selected relations, and close friends) must kowtow before they speak.

10. I will hire my own blogger to blog here, hehe. Okay, maybe the guy from number 6 can also do that at no extra pay.