As much as you thought it would, this entry isn't about joyfulchicken.

Finally, I get around to writing one of these. I'm guessing it's been more than a year since I wrote an entry, which I think is a record for procrastination, even for this lazy-ass site.

Anyway, I was going home from a gig one night when I heard a commotion up the street a short distance from the bar we played at. Being the dumbass that I am, and since I was still within sight of a few friends, I kept walking along. Surrounded by a rowdy group of hip hop-looking teens were two short shorts-wearing gay guys engaged in a hair-tearing fight. It was like watching a UFC fight, only with more hair and nipple-twisting. Now, I'm a peace-loving guy. The "Make Love, Not War" sticker I have on my notebook would attest to that. But I don't know what the proper social etiquette is for such a situation. Obviously, I wouldn't want to get in the middle of things, lest I get in the way of a wayward bitchslap.

Seeing as the situation was like a William Hung recital (you'd like to end it but you can't), I decided to let the fight fan in me prevail. That was entertainment boxing, pro wrestling and mixed martial arts can't provide. How often do you see a fighter eat a slap to the face while trying to keep his thin, old-school NBA-length shorts from falling off? By the way, he wasn't successful at keeping it on.

Just wanted to impart a great mental image. Why should I be the only one to suffer?

I was watching porn the other day, as I often do when my PS2 needs some rest, and I started wondering if pornstars still get off. I imagine it must be like playing sports. You know, when you're an amateur, you do it for trophies and stuff, but when you turn pro you lose the love for it and it becomes all about the money.

But I think those women still get their jollies. I mean, it's their calling. They're so good at it they've turned it into a career. They might need ten midgets and a circus clown, but they can still get off.

I wonder how one even applies for a role in a porn movie. Do they take "oral tests" or something? And that must be one interesting physical those women go through. It must be hard getting turned down for a role in that. "Sorry, we think your resume is okay but we need someone with more of a background on getting fucked in the ass and girl-on-girl action. But don't worry we'll keep your credentials in file for future openings."

I heard somewhere that most women who become pornstars were molested during childhood. Now, that's something I don't get. I was molested by a priest when I was young, you don't see me going to Neverland Ranch. Okay, I lied, I wasn't molested by a priest... it was Elton John.

Finally, I got around to writing one of these.

Everything’s been topsy-turvy lately so I never had the chance to write an entry. I also write for a living so I wasn’t too keen on writing on my spare time.

What the hell am I writing? This ain’t no excuse letter.

Anyway, I was recently on a bus with a friend of mine. To pass the time, we watched the TV onboard which produced snowstorms of static whenever the vehicle went through a bump.

In the middle of the ride, a news program went on. I didn’t pay much attention to it at first but something caught my attention. It was a story about an old man who died of a heart attack in a theater. However, it wasn’t another ho-hum case of a geriatric person checking out. The old guy was caught with his knickers down and the theater he was in was playing a sleazy flick.

This brings up a very philosophical question. Does a hard-on persist once a person has passed on to the afterlife?

I wonder how the police would explain the man’s death to his family. If I was the guy, I’d probably have to bite my tongue to keep myself from laughing. I know I’m an ass.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry for your loss. Mr. ____ was found dead in a theater at around noon. Employees at the establishment said that he was alone and appeared to be ok when he came in. Evidence tells us that he was, ehmm, “maneuvering” his genitals at the time of his death. Please don’t cry ma’am. I tell you this, I’ve never seen a happier dead guy in my life.”