Wow! This site is still alive. And there are a lot of posts! That alone is a reason to celebrate Easter. Forget the Easter bunny. Bunnies don't have eggs. They may have nuts, but that doesn't count. Have you ever heard of an Easter nut hunt? Chickens, on the other hand, have eggs. So ChickenMafia should be the official Easter crap site! That didn't make sense now, did it? Well... Fuck you, get off my case! Jesus didn't rise from the dead by hatching from an egg. So "Easter eggs" doesn't fucking make sense too, does it?

Anywho, one way to celebrate Easter is to apply for a credit card. Yes, you read that right. Apply for an HSBC card! Because they have this promo:

Woohoo! Free bucket meal! That's sooo exciting! Makes me want to apply for a new credit card! My head hurts....

They obviously ran out of ideas. Free KFC bucket meals? C'mon! They can do better than that! They're a fucking bank for crying out loud! Give me a free toaster oven, blender, something! But not a fucking bucket meal! Ok, 2 bucket meals. But you have to spend 500 pesos first before they give it to you. That's lame!

What would they think of next? Free Cokes? And you'd have to bring your own cup to get it. Dammit! This long weekend isn't doing me any good....

My head hurts. I've had this really bad headache for two days now. Feels like a drill boring a hole in my skull. Two fucking days of this excruciating pain.

Everybody says I should take something for it. So I did. I remember the commercial for Advil. It's supposed to work faster than Paracetamol. I've already downed 3 pills. But I still have this fucking headache! Damn commercial! I should sue those motherfuckers!

So I did a little research. Advil is Ibuprofen. Now here's where it gets disturbing. One common side-effect of Ibuprofen is a headache. H-E-A-D-A-C-H-E! So let me get this straight. I'm taking a pill for my headache that could cause a fucking headache! Now that defines irony right there! Fucking pharmacists!

Yes, Christmas is finally over. Well... in a few hours that is. Hmmm... maybe for me it's over but for most of the planet it'll last a few more days. Heck, I felt Christmas coming when I heard a Christmas song being played on the radio way back September. SEPTEMBER!!! Don't you guys have anything better to do? We haven't even celebrated Halloween yet! Not that Halloween's a valid holiday. But give respect to those who want to celebrate it. Like gay people who want to dress up like Madonna or something. Don't piss off chinesemafia!

We don't have respect for other people who don't celebrate Christmas. 12 days of Christmas? Screw you! It started way before! As in WAY BEFORE! There's 8 days of Hannukah and most Jewish people don't even get past the 5th day. But Christians, oh boy, celebrate like there's no tomorrow. Tomorrow's coming asshole! Because if it didn't, there won't be Christmas now would it?

We celebrate Christmas by making a lot of traffic because, fuck, we don't have enough traffic on our roads! Somebody must've told everyone, "C'mon! Let's make traffic hell! Then it'd feel a lot more like Christmas!" When I find this son of a bitch, I will kill him with my bare hands!

So there, here's to Christmas, Santa Claus and the Keebler Elf! Merry Christmas to one and all! Hope you didn't choke on your eggnog. It would be a shame if you did. And to those who want me to be politically correct, happy holidays asshole!

Chickens have struck in Ireland! A truckload of chickens escaped from their cages and started laying eggs on the street. This made the street very slippery, causing a lot of traffic.

"Today Ireland, tomorrow the world!" was the comment given to us by one of the hens that layed eggs on the street. "They can catch us but they can't stop us from laying eggs. We are 7000 strong and we'll cause as much havoc as long as we're here!" We didn't get any comment from the Ireland authorities. They're probably drinking in a pub somewhere.

The Chicken Mafia team will be conducting an experiment on how hard it is to drive on a road glazed with chicken eggs. But since we don't have any money, we are asking the readers to donate as much eggs that they can give. As soon as we have enough, we'll drop them somewhere in EDSA and watch while cars pass by. Everyone is invited! It'll be hilarious!

Please contact me or joyfulchicken for your donations. This is for a good cause. think of it as a Christmas gift for the hardworking team here in Chicken Mafia.

It's the first day of December! And you know what that means right? Christmas is coming?!?! What the fuck are you talking about? It's World AIDS day!

With that in mind, MTV in cooperation with Frenzy condoms is bringing you a concert for World AIDS day. It's gonna be held tonight at the Fort Bonifacio grounds.

Why a concert? Well, maybe because MTV thinks music heals... it might even cure you if you're HIV positive. But only MTV music. Not that VH1 crap or the MYX shit thing. And listening to music will prevent you from getting the virus. Having sex with a prostitute with music in the background is a different story though....

It's very easy to get tickets to the concert. Just present an empty carton of Frenzy condoms at the gate and you get two tickets! It's that simple! You don't even need to use the condoms. I bet there'd be a lot of "balloons" being thrown around the audience later.

I'm back! After a 3 week hiatus from the Chicken Mafia. Why was I gone? Why the fuck not?! Joyfulchicken has been asking me when my next blog entry would be. Here it is...

It's Thanksgiving! Take out your turkey and chop its head off! Time to give thanks to... err... whatever it is you want to give thanks to.

If you're a terrorist, this is the best time to attack. People are getting into planes to go to where the best turkey is. I can almost hear 9-11 part two. Ahhh... the sound of planes crashing into buildings. There's nothing like it.

But that's been done already. If you want to be unique, take advantage of the holiday. Serve bird flu infected turkeys for dinner! Ahhh... coffeemate in my coffee, bird flu in my turkey! Makes sense to me!

And for those who are wary of bird flu but still want to enjoy thanksgiving, there is a safe, yet icky, alternative! Tofurkey! Even the website agrees with me. It's http://www.yak.net. It's really yucky if you ask me.

Mark Nuckols, a Tuck School of Business student, came up with Hufu, a type of tofu that tastes like human flesh. That's right! Human flesh! And don't think I'm making this up. I couldn't even think this up. This is too good. This is a clear sign that there's something desperately wrong with society.

When was the last time you said to yourself, "Hmmm... I'm craving for human stew but there's no human meat in the market. Damn!" Now, you can have all the human stew you want! Hufu is here! Cannibals have a vegetarian alternative! And to those who are watching their weight, no need to worry! It contains zero fat and only 100 calories per serving. Initially, only the juicy parts are available, which are upper arms, thighs and buttocks. Mmmm... There's nothing like human butt-cheeks for dinner!

If you're wondering what human flesh tastes like, don't worry. Nuckols got you covered. According to him, he did a lot of research and came up with this: "It tastes like beef but a little softer in texture and a little sweeter in taste." Contrary to popular belief, everything does not taste like chicken.

Now this is why I don't eat tofu. I don't trust that fucking thing. My friends say tofu can taste like anything. Now I believe them.

There's bigger news than Scooter's indictment or Miers' withdrawal! Denver residents vote for legalization of marijuana! Common sense does exist! 54 percent of Denver residents voted for marijuana! Obviously there are a lot of potheads living there.

According to Mason Tvert, campaign organizer of SAFER (Safer Alternatives For Enjoyable Recreation), marijuana is less harmful to the user or society than alcohol. Majority of car accidents, domestic and street violence and crime are done by drunk people. Legalizing marijuana will reduce alcohol use and in effect, reduce these violent behavior. Tvert then added, "Everybody would be chillin'! Steady man!" How could you argue with that kind of reasoning? Heh!

In related news, Carmelo Anthony is irate about this new development. If you guys remember, he was busted for possession of an ounce of marijuana in his backpack a year ago. The new development in Denver would allow possession of an ounce or less. In a Chicken Mafia interview, Melo said, "Damn! If only I had that marijuana now instead of a year ago... I wouldn't have to make up a story of an imaginary friend putting the stash in my bag! Stupid! Tsk tsk tsk!" The Nuggets are wishing this doesn't affect his game versus LA later.

In other news, the Mercedez Mclaren Formula 1 team will be dropping new sponsor Johnnie Walker. Their team principal sent this message to our Chicken Mafia headquarters:

We recognize that we're promoting dangerous habits by having a liquor company as a sponsor. We at Mclaren do not and will not condone drunk driving. Because of this we are dropping Johnnie Walker and getting Happy Shrub as our new sponsor. Happy Shrub is a new company based in Denver who's selling ounce packets of marijuana. Our new slogan would be Don't drink and drive... Dope and drive!

Batibot shouldn't be the name given to the Filipino version of Sesame Street. It should be Kalantiaw Street. Why? Read on.

How many of our readers here are Filipinos? Ok... Not a lot. Well, we don't have a lot of readers so that explains it. Anyway, how many of our Filipino readers remember the Code of Kalantiaw? No one probably remembers their gradeschool history lessons. I don't.

I'll explain the Code of Kalantiaw for those who don't know it and for those who can't remember. It's a list of punishments for different crimes and it is named after a Filipino ruler, Kalantiaw. Punishments include putting the offenders hand in boiling water, not once, but three times; cutting off fingers and being exposed to ants for half a day.

According to my teacher, it existed before the Spaniards colonized the country. Therefore it's proof that the country had a civilization even before we became Las Islas Filipinas, or whatever. I don't know much about history so back off!

Well, if you didn't understand what I just wrote, don't worry. I just learned today that the code may be a hoax. It may not be true. It may be fabricated just to prove that the country had a pre-hispanic civilization. The existence of a ruler named Kalantiaw is even questionable!

In 1914, a certain Jose Marco fabricated the Code and other pre-colonial artifacts to make a quick buck! He presented the documents to historians and even proved their authenticity. Those historians gobbled up his fabrications so they can include it in their articles and books.

What's even funnier is that Marco chose the name Kalantiaw, because in Hokkien, "lantiaw" means penis. Wait a damn minute! I live in a street named Kalantiaw! That means I live in Penis street! That explains why I'm screwed...

Another airhead... uhm... I mean heiress is involved in a scandal. After Paris Hilton's sex video, Wal-Mart heiress Elizabeth Paige Laurie is now getting a lot of press. Not because she's the granddaughter of the co-founder of Wal-Mart, but because of her roommate in University of Southern California. Her roommate, Elena Martinez, admitted she did Elizabeth's homework for $20,000.

Wait... Elena was paid $20,000 by Elizabeth to do her homework??? People from my college copied my homework but I didn't charge a single cent... Even in peso. Damn, I'm dumb!

Anyway, because of this revelation, Elizabeth Paige Laurie surrendered her degree and returned her diploma to USC. She's not a graduate of that college. Serves her right! The cheating bitch! Now she can work for Wal-Mart as a cashier. That's if she can count.

Damn! I'm going down like Paris... Hilton because of this blog, heh!