ArsenaL and I went to Metrowalk (home of the Phi Resto Bar) a few months ago. There, we saw this nice little pet shop from afar.

My 13-year-old brain found the sign very amusing, and I turned to ArsenaL and went, "Heh... 'Pussies & Bitches.' Clever."

"No, it's 'Puggies & Bitches,'" he replied in a judgmental "get your mind out of the gutter" tone.

Oh, puggies. That makes sense I guess.

I suddenly felt ashamed. Felt like a total pervert... a pervert with poor eyesight... a pervert with poor eyesight and a filthy mind that can't stop thinking about pussy.

Then we got closer, and guess what? I was right all along. Ha! It's "Pussies & Bitches," bitches! ArsenaL is such a prude... a prude with poor eyesight.

Anyway, props to the shop owner for coming up with a provocative name. I'm sure the parents who take their kids there to shop for pets appreciate it as much as I do.

Speaking of provocative names... anyone wants to guess what's in the Cockhouse?

I've never been a fan of shabu-shabu (Japanese-styled hot pot), mainly because it sounds like too much work and I'm hopelessly lazy. But I also like free food, so I attended last Tuesday's Shabu Shabu 101 session at Healthy Shabu Shabu, Shangri-la Plaza Mall.

The concept of shabu-shabu doesn't seem that complicated. Sit down in front of a small stove....

Order some foodstuff....

And dump them all in the boiling water....

Yay! Oh wait. Apparently, that's the wrong way to do it.

The owner of the restaurant patiently explained how to do it right, but unfortunately, the sound system they used for the event was too echo-y. All we could hear was something like, "blah blah blah-ah-ah... blah blah shabu-shabu-bu-bu...."

So instead of straining my ears to listen to the instructions, I went with a different strategy: I acted all confused and slightly retarded until the nice waitress came over and did it for me. Yay! (If playing the helpless retard card isn't your style, you can download the step-by-step instructions.)

Overall, my shabu-shabu experience was surprisingly pleasant. I particularly enjoyed the thinly sliced beef and lamb--they tasted amazing after getting dunked in boiling water for a few seconds. Also, I didn't knock over the hot pot or get any third-degree burns, and that's a win in my book.

Healthy Shabu Shabu generously gave us some gift certificates for future visits. Unfortunately, the ones I got are good only for the Alabang Town Center branch, which is far far away from where I live. So if you're an Alabanger and you have GCs for other branches, please contact me for a swap.

Healthy Shabu Shabu is a fun, safe, healthy and interactive way of dining that utilizes state-of-the-art dining facilities and equipment. Healthy Shabu Shabu has branches at Powerplant Mall, The Podium, SM Mall of Asia, Robinsons Galleria, SM North The Block, Alabang Town Center, Robinsons Midtown and Shangri La Plaza Mall. For inquiries please call 627-3721 or 672-3290.

As the mall's closing time approached, most of its shops were already closed and properly padlocked. This one particular store went with a slightly more exotic security system though.

Sale? 70% off? Meh. One push and it will be 100% off.

Brilliant. Who needs locks when a dirty plastic stool can do the trick? Yay security!

According to a friend's friend, all you have to do is print and present this coupon and you get a regular-sized tea latte free! And he insist that this is not a joke.

Now, while I'm not one to shy away from freebies, I think this one sounds suspicious. It looks like some Catch Me If You Can wannabe's work. Of course, sillier things have turned out to be true, so I've decided to put up a dare to any enterprising spirits out there.

The terms are simple. All you have to do is print the coupon out and present it at any Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf branch.

Possible outcome #1: You actually get a free tea latte. Congratulations! You get a free tea latte. That's your prize.

Possible outcome #2: It's a hoax, and you end up making an ass of yourself. Congratulations! You get a free tea latte. I'll actually buy you one. How to claim your prize? Just email a photo of your attempt to philos [at] chickenmafia [dot] com on or before July 31, 2008. Include the barista in the picture and also tell us the branch so we can confirm that it really did happen.

UPDATE! It's true!

Location is very important for businesses, especially ones that rely heavily on reputation.

Oh look, it's the Jollibee Law Office!

If you're a law firm, having your office right beside a cheap fast-food restaurant doesn't exactly scream prestige. It's more like the opposite of that actually.

But I guess it can be quite convenient for us consumers. Found a dead mouse in your burger? No problem! Just run to the law office next door and file a lawsuit!

Also, it's not often that you have law school graduates and law school dropouts working side by side, albeit separated by a wall.

Chinese restavrants have the strangest condiments.

Now that the term of George "Dubya" Bush is nearing its end, we need to find a fitting memorial to remember his wonderful achievements. If Washington has his Washington Monument and Lincoln his Lincoln Memorial, Dubya should have one too! Why? He's the most celebrated president in the history of America! He has close to 23000 videos on YouTube, and he even has a website that chronicles his every word.

It is with this in mind that a group calling themselves the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco started an initiative to honor the man. They racked their brains and exerted every effort to find the suitable memorial for him. And when they found it, they made their move--a move to get voters to rename their prize-winning Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility to "The George W. Bush Sewage Plant."

What a fitting tribute for a man whose verbal diarrhea was so pervasive that it somehow became his personal trademark!

Way to go, Dubya! You shall be remembered every time we poop.

Not all of you know that my dad had a stroke a little over five years ago. He's unable to raise his left arm higher than his shoulders, his left hand is virtually immobile, and he can only use his left leg to march, which means he walks in an awkward way all the time.

Now he recently acquired a car with power windows that will go all the way up or down with a mere flick of the switch. He wanted that feature since he can only use one hand. He figured that there's no sense wasting time waiting for the windows to go all the way up.

Last night, he went out with some friends. After dinner, he got in the car while his friends were still dicking around near the restaurant entrance. He grew impatient and did the following (in this order):

1. Flicked the switch to close the window.
2. Decided he wanted to hurry up his friends.
3. Put his right hand out the window (His left hand is immobile, remember?) to wave his friends to the car.

It was too late when he realized the stupidity of those actions. The window was almost all the way up, and he was not fast enough to get his hand out of the way. Needless to say, his hand got stuck.

You can just imagine the trouble he was in at this point--his one good hand stuck in the window, his seat belt on, and him sitting in an awkward way. He was trapped in his own car. He flapped his hand to call attention to no avail. He attempted to take a bite at the door lock hoping to get it to open, but he couldn't reach it because of the seat belt.

Then, in a moment of desperation and a rare display of flexibility, he got his right knee high enough to slam the car horn and honk it like crazy. His friends heard him and managed to push the window down and extricate him from his predicament. It's a good thing he wasn't alone in a secluded part when this happened or he'd win a prize from Guinness for the silliest way to die.

Don't worry, he's safe. No injuries to his hand or mouth--just a bruised ego.

UPDATE: I got my dad to do a reenactment this morning.

Found this while going through some old pictures from Japan.

"Football"? Um, I think the proper term is "socerr."

Let's all play teniss and socerr! Yay!

Did you guys see the 2008 Miss Universe pageant? No? Me neither. But here's a highlight for you: Miss USA Crystle Stewart rocking the evening gown competition.

Hahaha!

If you get the feeling that you have seen this before, it could be because you actually have... sort of. At last year's pageant, Miss USA 2007 Rachel Smith also slipped and fell during the same segment. Deja vu!

Anyway, here's to hoping that Miss USA 2009 makes it a hat trick.