To be or not to be fat?

Philosophical question of the day: if I weigh only 130 pounds and I eat a ton of salmon sashimi, am I still considered human or am I closer to being a giant dead fish?

I know, I know. I'm not making any sense. I blame all the mercury and other assorted deep-sea toxins I ingested earlier today. I did eat a ton (not really a ton, but really a ton) of salmon sashimi when I had lunch with my family at Saisaki.

I like Saisaki's all-you-can-eat buffet. The quality isn't that great, but the quantity sure is. It's a glutton's paradise. The funny thing is that two of my uncles--including the one who picked Saisaki--are trying to lose weight. Trying to lose weight by going to an all-you-can-eat buffet? It's like trying to quit drinking by going to a bar. Makes sense.

Speaking of weight.... Yesterday, after an afternoon of basketball, ArsenaL and I were having a snack with this old guy that we regularly play with. OK, so he's not actually old--just around 10 years older than me--but I like calling people old because it irritates them.

Anyway, this guy seems to be in great shape. He regularly kicks our butts on the court. So I was surprised when he proudly announced that he gained 10 pounds in 2 weeks. He did it by taking a multivitamin called "Propan with Iron." The pills gave him a big appetite, he said.

I couldn't believe my ears. Since when was gaining 10 pounds of fat a good thing, especially for a guy his age? He went on to say that I should try the magic appetite pills. Hmm, tempting. An extra 10 pounds sure would be nice as long as not all of it goes to the same spot.

Then again, I already have a good appetite--I'm hungry all the time. Maybe the real reason why I can't gain weight is that I have lots of hungry parasites in my intestines from all the salmon sashimi I've eaten over the years.

Hmm. Maybe I should take a deworming pill instead and see what happens.