Barfy birthday to me

I turned 29 last Friday. To celebrate, I had lunch with the girlfriend, then went for a game of laser tag and a nice dinner with old friends.

At least that was the plan. Here's what actually happened.

In anticipation of the long fun day ahead, I went to sleep at 2 AM, an hour earlier than my usual bedtime.

Two hours later, I was woken up by a bad stomach ache. I went straight to the toilet. Oh yay, diarrhea on my birthday. Great. I knew it--the tofu from last night tasted a bit funny. Shouldn't have eaten it.

Little did I know that things were about to get worse. A lot worse.

As I washed my hands, I felt queasy all of a sudden. Moments later, streams of vomit started shooting out of my mouth, totally catching me by surprise. Good news: I was right over the sink. Bad news: a significant portion of the vomit came out through my nose. Ouch.

Joyfulchicken says: BLAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
Jew Chicken says: Happy Vomitzvah.

After a good five or six heaves, I looked down and examined my handiwork. There were quite a lot of solid chunks in my vomit, almost enough to clog up the sink. Gross.

Throwing up did make me feel better though, so I gargled, cleared my nose, brushed my teeth, and got ready to go back to sleep.

But first, I had to replenish the lost fluids so that I wouldn't die of dehydration. I looked in the fridge and found a bottle of grape-flavored Gatorade. Perfect! I gulped it down and went back to bed.

Just as I was about to drift off, I suddenly felt queasy again. Oh god, no! As the vomit climbed up my throat, I pressed both hands over my mouth in an attempt to buy myself enough time to get to the bathroom. It didn't work, and I puked all over the bedroom floor.

I ran over to the sink and continued emptying the contents of my stomach. Again, there were a lot of solid chunks, except this time, everything was purple.

It wasn't even 5 AM yet, and my birthday was already ruined. I ended up canceling all my plans and spending most of the day wallowing in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. I guess that officially makes it my worst birthday ever.

Oh well, at least I didn't throw up again.