Adriana Lima will kill your dog

A few weeks ago, NBA fans everywhere raised their eyebrows when the usually useless Marko Jaric suddenly started playing like an All-Star. Being a fantasy basketball geek, I needed an explanation. A bit of quick research showed that he has been dating Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima.

I don't know much about Adriana Lima except that she's hot and that she models lingerie for Victoria's Secret, which seems to be the only requirement for being considered a "supermodel" nowadays. One thing I don't understand is, what is a supermodel doing with Marko freaking Jaric? She could do better... much better. Even Eva Longoria managed to snag Tony Parker for heaven's sake. Hey Adriana, how about Michael Jordan? He's single now.

Anyway, Marko Jaric soon went back to being useless, and I forgot all about Adriana until Christmas Eve, when I decided to take a look at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2007. Hey, don't judge me. The writers strike has severely limited my viewing options.

I had never seen Adriana Lima in action before, so I wasn't prepared for the moment when she appeared on the catwalk. I almost fell out of my chair. She looked so... fierce!

"Sieg Heil!"

Goodness. Is this woman angry all the time? She looks pissed off even when she's smiling. Her personality is the complete opposite of fellow Victoria's Secret model Heidi Klum's annoying sunshine-and-rainbows cheerfulness. Scary. I think I'm in love.

Adriana's dramatic entrance got the show off to an electrifying start. Next, the camera turned to the audience and briefly caught the guy from Doogie Howser, M.D. looking really uncomfortable, which for some reason made me laugh.

"Bitch, that dress would look so much better on me...."

For those of you who don't know, he's gay.

Unfortunately, the rest of the show was somewhat boring. I found myself fast-forwarding a lot--finished the 40-minute show in a little over 20. Heidi Klum screeched out a mushy love song in a duet with her husband Seal. Yuck. Fast forward. The reunited Spice Girls performed one of their awful songs from the 90s. Yuck! Fast forward!

Later, I found this fun Victoria's Secret drinking game on YouTube. Take a look.

Heh. I like this Brooke Marks chick. She's funny--or at least her writers are--and her observations on Adriana Lima are spot on. I don't know if Adriana really enjoys killing dogs, but the murderous look in her beautiful eyes tells me that it's completely plausible.

So... hide your dogs, people.