On my way to Philos's birthday dinner last Friday, I came to a stop at a traffic light along Ortigas Avenue. As luck would have it, I was right beside an open manhole.

I should have just ignored it. Open manholes aren't uncommon around here--thieves regularly steal manhole covers and sell them as scrap metal. But I suddenly remembered a funny true story. A few years ago, someone I know fell into one such hole while wading through a flooded Binondo street on a dark rainy night. (He didn't die, so it's okay to laugh at him.)

I decided to blog about that, so I rolled down the window and took a picture. That turned out to be a bad move. Apparently, this particular manhole is right above the sewers. And I'm sure you know what's in the sewers. I desperately tried to close the window, but it was too late. Within seconds, my car was filled with the stench of rotting poop straight from Satan's concrete anus, and my Friday evening was off to a stinky start.

In full panic mode, I opened the passenger side window in an attempt to let the smell out. That turned out to be yet another bad move. The old SUV beside me quickly pumped its sooty exhaust fumes straight in. Again, the stupid power window wouldn't close fast enough.

By now, I was gagging and gasping while my poor nostrils were being assaulted by both natural and artificial stink gases. Where are those sampaguita-selling street urchins when you need them?

In the end, I buried my face in my left armpit and sniffed the deodorant until the traffic light turned green. I think I got a little high from that, but at least I didn't pass out. Yay.

We've finally reached the end of the season. To celebrate, the remaining survivors decided to free their last chicken.

WARNING: spoilers ahead.  read more »

I'm doing this one earlier than usual because the season finale of Survivor:Micronesia starts in two hours. So let's hurry through this episode.

Erik won the reward challenge, and, in a clumsy attempt to get back on Amanda's good side, he shared his reward with her. That pissed off Natalie, who was pretty much his only ally in the game.

WARNING: spoilers ahead.  read more »

The G.I. Joe Movie is coming out next year, and as a fan of the old TV series, I'm very excited. But I'm not sure I like some of the casting choices. If were in charge, the cast would look something like this:

(in alphabetical order)

Barbecue

Casting Darth Vader would really be a coup de force for the 80s.

Bazooka

It's a toss-up between Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck.

Destro

A slam dunk. They even have the same build.

Dr. Mindbender

The Monopoly guy just has to practice looking a bit nastier.

Duke

They can use the movie as a springboard for a MacGyver movie.

Monkeywrench

Kenny Rogers just has to grow his beard back more then it's a cinch.

Quick Kick

I don't know the big kung fu guy's name, but the casting staff can ask Van Damme (if they can find him).

Roadblock

I think I’m getting the hang of this.

Serpentor

If you've ever played Rockman 3, you'll agree with this.

Sgt. Slaughter

I'm not sure who copied whom.

Shipwreck

Second guy from the left. In the Navy....

Spirit

I'm not racist. I just go with similar looks. =)

Xamot

Sorry, couldn't Photoshop Sharon from the picture.

I just came back from a reconnaissance mission, and it seems that the Chicken Mafia has serious competition. Now, all I can do is report what I've seen and heard, and I'll try to keep it short and to the point.

It all started a little over a week ago when Joyfulchicken alerted me to this seemingly innocent event, a supposed party for losers. But they weren't fooling me--I knew that only the Chicken Mafia cares about losers. So I did what any good soldier would do under the circumstances. I put on my human suit and went behind enemy lines.

That is a likeness of me taken by one of their skilled agents, but worry not my dear Mafiosos, I managed to steal the original and thus am the only one with the hard copy.

So here's the gist of the meeting as I understand it. David and Goliath, a shadowy organization masquerading as a T-shirt company, put on a party and tried to invite all the top losers they could get their hands on. Masked in a night of mad revelry, they systematically tried to win these losers over with various tactics, including the following:

1. A PowerPoint presentation with pure text and a maniacal voice over. It was obviously a means to implant subliminal messages in our minds. I have yet to undergo debriefing to find out exactly what they managed to implant in my head. (Video removed because of potentially harmful hypnotic effects.)

2. A game that necessitated ass kissing. (Okay, Mr. Fartface kissing... see if you like that one better.)

3. A losers dating game. What? A dating game? And not just any dating game... a dating game that included me! Sure, I'm a loser, but I'm not that much of a loser, am I? I looked over to Joyfulchicken for help to get me out of it, but he had apparently been brainwashed by the PowerPoint presentation. Abandoned by my comrades, all I could do was try to resist the bribes the evil henchmen were offering me.

That photo was taken at home while I was gleefully inspecting my spoils, so clearly I failed. Sorry, you'll have to check out these other blogs for pictures and recaps, because I can't bear to be reminded of my utter humiliation.

David and Goliath sure was crafty. They even employed goons from SPIT to do their dirty job. I was laughing so hard that I almost forgot why I was there in the first place. And their tagline is "we make stupid stuff so you don't have to." Need I say more? They're clearly trying to take over the world... or at least our niche of making stupid stuff!

We must find a way to defeat them... but of course not before I go buy myself something nice with the gift certificate they gave me.

Like they always do at this point every season, family members of the remaining survivors came over for a visit. But, for a change, there were less tears and more laughs this time.

WARNING: spoilers ahead.  read more »

Question of the day: if you take a 30-minute nap at 11 PM and wake up six hours later, can you still legally call it a nap?

Yes, yes, I took a nap at 11 PM last night. I know that sounds stupid, but I was very tired, okay? It had been a long day. Well, not really, but it felt long because I only had around an hour of sleep before waking up at 8 AM to catch game 6 of the unexpectedly exciting Celtics-Hawks series.

In the afternoon, rain started pouring down moments after ArsenaL and I got to flag football practice late. Well, that sucked. And I was so eager to get back on the field after a three-week hiatus. I badly needed the exercise; my "beer" belly ("beer" is in quotes because I don't even drink beer) seems to be growing a bit more each day. It would have been fine if not for the fact than I'm as thin as a stick, and my bulging belly makes me look like an Ethiopian orphan (totally not cool unless Angelina Jolie would adopt me). The last thing I need is adding body image issues to my long list of mental problems.

Anyway, we watched Iron Man at SM Megamall and had dinner at Teriyaki Boy. I hadn't watched a movie at Megamall in years, and I'm happy to report that the place still sucks ass. They have the most uncomfortable seats with strangely sticky armrests (please let that be just a result of spilled soda... please).

I got home at around 10:30 PM and quickly got drowsy. So I set the alarm on my cell phone to go off in 30 minutes and plopped down face first on the bed. I was asleep in seconds.

I've recently replaced my cell phone's ugly rubber casing with a smooth plastic one. It looks great, but it also made the phone a bit slippery. The thing now slides randomly across my night table whenever it vibrates, which is what happens when the alarm goes off. Last night, as I sleepily groped around in an attempt to chase it down and stop the alarm, I apparently managed to somehow hit the remote control of my air conditioner enough times to turn the temperature all the way down to 16°C. Brrr.

At a little past 5 AM, I woke up shivering like an Ethiopian orphan with malaria. I had to run and make myself a steaming cup of instant coffee, which is quite a silly thing to do on a summer morning. But I'm all warmed up now, and I feel great. That 30-minute nap really did the trick.

* * *

(Whee! Snowflakes!)

Fuck! I knew it! Iron Man has a bonus scene after the end credits! Can't believe I missed it. Fuck.

* * *

(Yes, those are ASCII snowflakes. I'm a geek.)

Mica made a nice "tribute" video from iBlog4 chicken pictures, and I stole it. Yay! Go watch.

I know that managers generally aren't the brightest creatures, but for heaven's sake, if you're going to put up a giant "employee of the month" board, shouldn't you at least consider using it?

All our employees are worthless pieces of poop--all year round!

That picture was taken in my favorite cheap-ass computer store. The employees there seem to be friendly, and I don't think they spit on the stuff I buy, so I'm not sure what the problem is. Hey management, are they simply not good enough for you? What would it take to win the precious Employee of the Month trophy? Wait, is there even a trophy?

Nice job motivating your employees, heh.

It has been close to two years since my last blog entry here at the Chicken Mafia. For years, Joyfulchicken has been pestering me to blog, noting that I was one of the founding members of the Mafia. He has even resorted to alluding to my superior, though underutilized, intellect, which he says can be of great boon to blogging. (Ahh yes... the exaggerations and lies of one joyful chicken.)

He did manage to drag me to last Saturday's iBlog4. The event was, um, exciting, especially the back-to-back-to-back discussions on elections and blogging--I got so pumped up that I had to go outside and pace around just to contain my boredom enthusiasm. But I have decided to blog again. I believe the potential is within myself to become an excellent blogger. I just have to believe. (Ahh yes... the exaggerations and lies I tell myself.)

The dilemma that I always had is what to blog about: should I blog about what I like or what readers would like? Hmm... would what I ate for breakfast make a buzz-worthy entry? Hmm... I really had a difficult time choosing between muffin and rice for my Big Breakfast. Hmm....

I want to be an excellent blogger. That means more research and thinking and less "stream of consciousness" BS. Blogging might not be as easy for me as it is for other people, but it is the journey that counts. (Ahh yes... keep telling myself clichés and hope everything turns out right.)

So yes, I have returned. I hope I will stay around longer this time.

P.S. To cater to the male readership segment, I will occasionally post carefully selected female pictures for beauty appreciation at the end of my blog entries. I am still evaluating the female readership segment and would consider posting scantily clad men. But just to be clear... no, I'm not gay.

It was time for another Survivor auction, and everyone was given 500 fake dollars to bid on food and other goodies. Fun!

WARNING: spoilers ahead.  read more »